Filed under: Nonsense and crap
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Filed under: Deep thoughts
This overwhelming feeling I am getting inside of me now
Slowly, but surely and steadily, it is eating me up
Bit by bit, fragment by fragment
I allow you to torment me, oh why, I do not understand
Into the night I head, where darkness and figurines were all I could see
Running and shunning those dementors were all I could give
Like how they suck the soul out from humans
You sucked the life out of me
Desperately, I try to find the light at the end of it
Deeply into the night, into the digs, I go search.
Probably never to find it at all.
And what it holds for me, what the day after holds as well. All I know is, perhaps my doors would be open, but, how then, will I finish this obstacle? Will I overcome it with great trepiditation, or will I overcome it victoriously?
Either way, it will require me to put in a lot of effort and time, but I know that ultimately, I serve a faithful One, hence, my efforts will never go to waste.
As I await a brand new sunrise, so does a future. May my God keep my heart in tuned with His and guide me through that preferred open door.
Filed under: Deep thoughts, Faith, Friends, In other tongues, Irks and anger
As I look back on 2008, I realise what an eventful year it has been for me. Many things happened at RCC, good and bad, through all the saga, I have come to realise who my true friends are and who are those who will stand by me when I truly need them.
When I had shit in Perth, though my support group there was awesome, I still needed the people here, and it is in times like those that these people have availed themselves to me.
People preach about loving, caring, sharing, and more loving. But very often we ask, how often do they practise what they preach? Myself included, very often I have told men to love, care and share, but how often do I love, care and share? Hence, one thing I would want to do this year would be to love, care, and share with the people around me. Those who have availed themselves to me, those who have stood through this wave of Tsunami and still accepted me for who I am and what I am made out of.
Though I do not fit the mould of a Christian in most eyes, the ones whom I call true friends have stood by me. I wasn’t, and still am not one of those who can easily use the Bible to talk about the supposed ways of lives. Even though I drink, binge and club like almost any regular young adult, my true friends from church have not once given up on me, or judged me, nor condemned me. Most times, the people we used to look up to said they do not practise condemnation not pass judgement on us, but when time comes to past, we see the true condemnation being put upon our lives by them. To think they were once who we called our leaders, now, all they did were to just brush off the dust from their butts and totally walk out from our lives. Never to once again ask how we are doing. And this is a way to show of their love, their care, their concerns, for us? Absolute bullshit. Pardon my language but I am really pissed just at the mere thought of it.
Sometimes, I feel like I can trust my unchurched friends, or my other churched friends more than those people whom I once thought I could entrust almost anything to them. Maybe for that simple reason that they practise love, they show love, they give concern, and they share to their hearts content and hold nothing back. The people I club with, the people I drink with, the people I party with, are the exact same people whom the leavers would want me to stay away from, if possible. I’m sure, why not? But when there is a problem, when I need a shoulder to lean on, to cry on, the people I go nuts with are the people who offer me their shoulders, these people gave me their love. How then, am I able to build and nurture a relationship with the apparent leavers when they do not accept me for me?
Probably, I need to release my true identity to everyone, like how it is in Perth, and whether people want to accept me for who I am or not, would be up to them. This will then show me of who my true friends are. It beats living in an image they deem me to be. That would be nasty when they find out the variety of colours I am made up of. Possibly more than a rainbow I reckon.
