Hello world! Perth is getting colder, it’s rainier and windier too. Disgusting weather, I tell you. Today was 11deg and it was so windy and rainy that my brolly flipped the other side up!
Dad is leaving tomorrow, hopefully this transition would be smooth for me, homesick, I know I would feel, but hopefully Potter and the telly and the DVDs would be able to distract me. I got to find the videoezy machine to rent those discs to entertain myself.
Today’s the first day of Orientation, new friends are made, mostly Singaporeans, only because those sitting round me were from Singapore, and doing Mass Communications. So tomorrow’s enrolment, hopefully I’ll be able to do what I want. For now, my timetable is free on Thursday and Friday and I’ve enrolled into all of my classes already. The only thing missing is one lecture, only because it clashes with another course, so tomorrow, I shall discuss with the program chair and see what they would offer me! But I would still like to keep Thursday and Friday free, because that’s when the malls are open till 9pm both in the city and the surburbs! So I would be able to do my grocery shopping!
Oh, and to Agnes, Perth is really called City Centre la!
I am safely down in Perth, to all those of you concerned, I am now in the Perth City, living with my dad at the Holiday Inn, really pissed as I’ve just typed a pretty long post and it did not got saved and the Internet was done with my half an hour limit. Bloody Hell.
So this shall just be a short one, since the long one I did was gone. Heh. Anyway, the weather here is chilly, really cold, not so wet, yet, though the weather forecaster said that there would be a thunderstorm tomorrow. Crap, oh what a day to move in to hostel! I have to put on more 3 layers of clothes and a scarf so that only my FACE would feel cold. Especially my nose, it is so red now I tell you.
Ok, that’s all for now, I will try to take a decent shower, all because I am feeling too cold to take one as the central heating system in the hotel is down. What a field day I am having huh!
So does my feelings for you. Only thing is it has grown stronger momentarily, or maybe more than just temporal. Each time talks about the past comes into the picture, you never fail to just simply avoid it altogether. Maybe you are just running away from the matter, maybe you wish to seek for better other individuals, to take that place in your thumping heart. But what you may n0t realise is that I have already given mine to you and now, it is no longer thumping, it is just beating, processing the days of Men, as though a machine would go on for days, or even years.
Why is it that wanting someone so much could be so tough, just like when I was a kid, I wanted a wholesome family, but not only did I not get one, I ended up having to stay under someone else’s roof. Then as I grew, all I wanted was to be loved, but not only did I not get it, I had to put up with being abused and tortured by someone I called a lover.
Now, all I want (still) is someone who loves me wholly, but why, why is it that all I get is that aloofness and cold shoulder? It is as though there is this pretence that nothing is happening even as one looks deeper, or rather, should I say, try and look deeper.
I have 10 more days, 10 more days of such torment, after which, things may just be better. But I foresee them being worse.
It’s another fifteen days before leaving this place I call Home. Nervousness have not yet kicked in, though anxiety has already taken over me for awhile. Fear have not yet set in, though the jitterbugs are already bugging me; mainly for other reasons.
I have not yet finish packing my stuff; there’s just too much that I want to bring over to Perth. I am considering getting another luggage, wait, I mean I have already decided to get another. Frankly, I do not dread those departure gates, but when I think of small stuff, like, oh, the lift upgrading at my block would be done by the time I get home after half a year’s of absence, I would be thinking like, wow, so much things would be done by the time I get back. The flyover at my place would be completed by then too (hopefully!).
This got me thinking, it isn’t the departure that I fear, but the lack of familarity when I get home. It is not the lack of warmth from family that I will miss, but the awkwardness that I would feel when I get home for visits from the ones I call family. I hate the feeling of being seperated from loved ones, from my friends in Melbourne too, but more so, the old one back home, as much as I always complain and get upset over your naggings, I know somehow I will realise your great importance in my life once I am there. It is not the new found independence that I fear, but the incapability to handle it. Also, it is not the gossips or juicy news that I miss, but its the gossipers and news sources that I would think of so ever frequently.
Well, maybe now is the time to leave the eagle’s nest and fly on my own, to embrace this given opportunity and make the best out of it. It’s about time I leave and take care of mysel, or at least attempt to, it’s about time I say goodbye to my comfort zone and throw myself into the wilderness and survive.
I know that the 26th July is approaching soon, in 2 weeks and a few days’ time, but I’m trying not to think about it, I don’t want to know how little more days I have to spend here in this place I call Home. Please someone, just stretch this last 2 weeks and a few days’ time for me, so I would be able to do more.
Today marks the day of me becoming more independent-on the road. My beloved monkey otherwise known as Aggie and my GPRS human system, has left for Aussieland, Melbourne. Ask me if I miss her and I would be lying if I say no. Amazing huh? It’s barely 5 hours and I am already missing her.
On the way home as I drive the other girls out of Changi to mainland, we were just talking thrash when Avonda suddenly said that Britn*y is teeny bloppers and that made me thought of Ags. She would be the first one to laugh out real loud and correct Avonda saying that it is boppers, not bloopers! Then I was confused as to how to get home from the airport, and I thought of my GPRS human system. Hai. But she most probably is sitting comfortably onboard QF10, sipping some tea and enjoying a good read or something.
It just feels so weird not having that horrendously loud laughter thundering anywhere near me. And it will not be anywhere near me for the months to come. The closest I will get to is her laughter on Skype, should I call her. But that too, is not original, it has gone through waves of interference before reaching me!
For now, it’s no more GPRS human system, no more late night gossips on my Queen sized bed, no more messing up of kitchen with pork chops and milky eggs, no more sipping of hot lemon tea, no more Crystal Jade plain porridge, yada yada ya. You see, Ags and I share alot together, huh? *squirms*
But you know Ags, I think come December, I will do something outrageous, like take a domestic flight from Perth to Melbourne and visit before heading home! But till then, promise you’ll behave and keep the Virginia state clean! Hahaha.
Till then, Aggie.
Since I’ve made my last entry. Life’s been busy, thoughts are running like wild fire each day as the big day approaches. I have 22 more days to be exact. Not counting today.
Many of my dear friends have already left our sunny shores for the chilly winter Down Under. Just this week alone, two close friends have left me with another leaving this Sunday. That makes three departures in a week! Can you believe it?Michelle is losing 3 of her dearest friends in a week! Blardy hell. All these departures make me feel kind of sad inside. Really, after 3, 4 years of friendship and growing around each other, seeing each other grow in so many ways, and just remembering those days of innocence we had in ourselves puts a smile on my face. It seems like everyday, there would be someone I know leaving for Down Under.
That comfort zone I once shared with my friends is now being taken away, come 3 weeks time, I’ll be thrown into a land of strangers, where I would be regarded as a 2nd class citizen, nevermind the exorbitant school fees and living expenses I pay, they treat you 2nd class just so to let you know they have the power as it is THEIR country. Damn them.
And so, everyone is asking me the same thing, even my aunts and cousins, you won’t believe this family I have man. They would call just to chat awhile, and then ask if I have STARTED packing. Like durh, of course I would have started, but the process of packing is so traumatising, it’s as if flying off is going to be in a few days time. You see, I have this thing with packing my luggage, I would never ever pack weeks ahead, my packings are usually done about 2 days before I fly. So now, packing all my stuff so soon feels weird. It seems like I want to just uproot my whole room, and plant them at the single room I am given in Perth. I can sacrifice my Queen sized bed and my plasma TV, just let me bring my whole wardrobe there, and that will save me from packing those clothes into measly ziploc bags and stuffing as much clothings as I can to make sure I hit 20kg and not exceed or go under it. I want to fully utilise it! But it seems, that each time I try to pack, I would give up halfway as winter clothings are just to thick and irritating to fold, simply because they can’t be folded!
Then, there are also the normal clothes. It seems like at nook and crany of the house, I would find a piece of clothing that belongs to me, and I would want to bring it along. And then I would think, how in the world am I not going to exceed my 20kg? And then there’s also shoes to think about, how in the world am I going to bring all my desired materials and be able to put a decent luggage together all in under 3 weeks? But you know what? The panic button has not yet been pressed, and I am not feeling one bit of anxiety. Maybe I know that somehow, things would just fall into place. My worry though, is not packing my clothes into those ziploc bags, but how to fit them all into the luggage and not making myself look like a fool at the Australian airport when they open my bags to check. So now, I got to start thinking of “secret” places on where to put my lingerie lest they flip open my luggage and the first thing they see are my oh-so-beautiful lingerie. *smirks*
So many things, so little time. Right now, it is not the departure I fear, but the settling down. It is not the seperation that hurts, but the missing of loved ones. Like Agnes, it is the gossipers I miss, though the gossips play a big part too. Also, I feel like I’m a eaglet, ready to soar out on its own, away from the eyes of its parents, freely flapping its wings into a foreign land, and having to survive on its own.
So now, I shall await the day when I finally do return back to this place I call home, hoping that this place won’t become too foreign for my recognition. And may all my fellow gossip mongers come back with more of such stuff.
